My husband and I purchased a new truck yesterday, as the first big step towards my dream of living full time in an RV, traveling the country and enjoying all of the beautiful nature in North America. I should be feeling excited, but my gut is anxious instead. The anxiety started after we got the truck home. I pulled into our driveway and then promptly got it situated at a weird angle so that we can’t get it back out of the gate at the top of the driveway. I got out of the truck and looked at it on our driveway and it looked huge. I felt overwhelmed with this monstrosity of a truck that we now own (partially).
Logically I know that I am perfectly capable of learning to drive this thing, and it is exactly what we want to pull our future fifth wheel. Emotionally it is way outside my comfort zone. It is similar to the feeling of being out of control that I had just before I crashed my bike on a downhill curve a few years ago. Before I went to sleep last night I tried doing some breathing exercises to release the tension. My mind was relaxed and not swirling full of negative thoughts, yet I struggled to let go. Eventually the anxiety subsided and I went to sleep. I woke up briefly during the night with a gut full of anxiety again, but thankfully I went back to sleep fairly quickly. And this morning it is here again, like an unwelcome visitor.
I had a small inkling of anxiety in the last couple of months as we started our serious shopping for a truck/RV, just feeling overwhelmed by everything we need to learn. But I did not expect this gut anxiety on day 1 with just the new truck. It truly came as a surprise. I was expecting more nervousness as we initially drive with the fifth wheel and have to negotiate traffic, back into a campsite, and drive down a winding road.
This truck is the big boy of trucks, with a crew cab and long bed, and dual tires on the back. Because of the long distance between axles, it’s turning radius is much wider than anything I have ever driven before. With my ignorance in full play, I drove it through our tight gate opening into our driveway, then expected to be able to turn it around in a turnabout area, so that it could be driven forward out the gate. Tonight we will tackle rescuing the truck from its current plight, probably with the help of a couple of neighbors. Hopefully we won’t have to call a tow truck to help.
I feel more relaxed now that I have written out my thoughts and feelings here.